that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize