the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
