Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
