feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
