i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
