Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MIDGETS
????
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
