I heard we made out
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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