btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Alive.
So much puke
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
