Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
