felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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