I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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