Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
