Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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