I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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