I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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