Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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