just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
