WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
