his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
