We tried having a conversation with our noses.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
