Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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