theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
