Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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