brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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