Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
40s are totally the cure
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
