Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
