i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
