Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you.
Bad choice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
