Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
