What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
