i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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