oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
