Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
