I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
