your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
