i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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