When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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