Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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