I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
