He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize