smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
