you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Couch. On fire.
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