everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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