Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize