Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
