I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
