i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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