in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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