Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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