My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
