I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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