Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
