at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
