is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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