So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
