you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
