Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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