Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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