two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
