No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
