now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
and eventually we just all took our pants off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
