I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize