i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
