what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
