im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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