Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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