this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
