getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
