Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
