he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
