i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize