so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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