the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
