ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
try to milk me bitch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
