i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
40s are totally the cure
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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