you guys were way drunker than both of me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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