There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
