your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
