I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
