he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
