you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
