Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
