I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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