This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize