I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
