how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
