I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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