you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
