I want to make a zoo with you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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